Journey Through Infertility, Iui, ivf, and single mom by choice
Becoming a single mother by choice was my life's biggest and most transformative decision. My journey as a single mom by choice started with dealing with infertility and going through IVF. In this article, I'll share my personal story of my journey to becoming a single mom, from facing infertility challenges to experiencing the joys and difficulties of raising a child on my own.
Along the way, I'll provide some tips for those preparing for their journey into solo motherhood.
Early Decisions and Fertility Realities
My journey began in my early thirties when the idea of becoming a single mother by choice crossed my mind. I knew I wouldn’t settle in a relationship just to have kids.
But thinking about it and making that decision are two very different things. When I turned 35, I assessed my fertility, hoping to freeze my eggs to buy more time to find a partner and have multiple children.
The reality of my declining fertility hit hard during the initial consultation, revealing I had lower AMH levels for my age.
Despite being healthy and fit, the unexpected news led me to commit to egg-freezing.
But, after two attempts, the first being canceled and the second only retrieving two eggs, a pivotal question emerged: do I pursue motherhood solo and find love after or risk waiting for love and potentially losing my chance to have my child?
This was the start of a series of decisions shaping the most important chapter of my life.
Every woman's conception story is unique. Some are blessed with a quick pregnancy, some endure loss, others face years of trying, and some take a different path to motherhood. My story won’t be your story.
Medicated IUIs and Emotional Turbulence
When I started trying to conceive with my first medicated IUI, I honestly believed that I would be successful within three attempts.
Day 1 marked the start of my journey, with an insemination falling on Valentine's Day—a sign, or so I thought, that my baby would be my forever Valentine! I was wrong. Each round brought hope, small adjustments, and some tweaks to medications. But after the third round, the real challenge began. The medications took their toll, and I found myself drowning in exhaustion, experiencing constant brain fog, and losing the ability to find joy in my daily life.
On top of that, it was during COVID, I was under lockdown, my business was failing and I felt like I was starting to lose my sense of self.
The Reality of Unexplained Infertility
The journey was emotionally draining, and the arrival of each period or a negative pregnancy test brought sadness and a yearning to share these moments with a partner who wasn't there.
I remember speaking to my doctor after my 6th medication IUI round and asked her if I am experiencing infertility after two unsuccessful attempts at egg freezing and six failed IUIs, and she said yes, you're experiencing unexplained infertility.
She said all your numbers look good, but it could be the egg quality, implantation, or sperm. We just don't know. And that hit me.
I never thought I would decide to become a single mother by choice (which was a challenging decision in itself) only to find out I am experiencing infertility.
So, I held tight to my mantra, "My baby is coming in divine timing." I could picture my baby in my arms.
Journaling, self-coaching, meditation, and visualizations became my allies as I prepared mentally and emotionally for the next step—IVF.
The Rollercoaster of IVF
My first IVF round was my longest stims duration, including 51 injections to get to the point of retrieval. The hardest part was waiting for each round of results—from the number of eggs retrieved, viable eggs, fertilized eggs to embryos and embryos passing pre-genetic screening.
In my case, the result was ZERO. This broke me; I cried like I had never cried before. Deep inside, I knew I couldn’t stay down and that I needed to get back up and keep trying.
The second round brought a shift in perspective. I let go of the need to control things and embraced surrender.
The results on my birthday brought tears of joy as one embryo passed, and I knew this would be it.
Few months later, the embryo was transferred marking the beginning of my journey into single motherhood. Today, I have a beautiful, healthy daughter, the light of my life.
5 Tips for Single Mothers by Choice
What I learned on becoming a single mother is that it requires more than just practical preparations; it demands mental and emotional readiness. To support you on this profound journey, here are a few tips that helped me.
1- Know Your WHY:
My journey emphasized the importance of understanding your motivations. Reflect on why you want to become a single mother by choice.
Your WHY will be your anchor during challenging moments, which will help sustain you in the long, hard journey.
2- Build a Support System:
My support system became my lifeline. Connect with other single mothers by choice, join support groups, and seek emotional support from friends and family.
Having people who understand your journey can be immensely comforting.
3- Mindfulness and Self-Care:
The path to single motherhood can be emotionally draining. Prioritize self-care through practices like meditation and journaling to maintain emotional balance.
Going through the rounds of medication is physically taxing, so find moments and breaks to rest and recharge. These practices became essential for me during infertility and postpartum.
4- Flexibility:
Single motherhood often means navigating unexpected twists. Be flexible and adaptable.
Understand that not everything will go according to plan, and that's okay. Learning to let go with the flow will serve you well on this journey.
5- Decision-Making Confidence:
Throughout your journey, you'll face numerous decisions you may need to make solo. Cultivate confidence in your decision-making abilities.
Trust your instincts and believe in your strength and wisdom. Remember that you can make the best choices for you and your child.
Sum Up
Sharing my journey and a few tips I learned along the way is my way of providing support to women who are on their path to single motherhood.
I hope your story is filled with unwavering strength, resilience, and the joy of creating your unique family. You've got this!
-Reema
Have more questions, or need a sounding board through your journey, find out more about my coaching service here
If you want to learn more about my journey of becoming a Choice Mom, I invite you to check out my ebook, where I share my personal experiences and provide the self-inquiry questions and resources to help you on your choice mom journey.
But, if you're ready to explore whether coaching is right for you, book a consult today. Together, we can navigate this process and ensure you have the guidance and support you need to make confident choices. Because no woman needs to go through this process alone.
