My Solo Path of Trying to Conceive with Unexplained Infertility
Every woman's path to conception is unique. While some experience quick success, others, like myself, encounter the complexities of unexplained infertility. If you're seeking guidance on how to get pregnant with unexplained infertility, my journey may provide valuable insights and encouragement.
The Beginning of My Journey with Unexplained Infertility
1- Beginning the IUI Process/The Early Attempts
When I started trying to conceive with my first medicated IUI, I honestly thought I'd get pregnant within three attempts.
I must admit, I was thrilled when Day 1 finally came, marking the start of my journey. It was a mix of nerves, excitement, and anxiety all at once.
My first insemination happened on Valentine's Day with an incredible twist of fate. It felt like a sign that this was it - my baby would be my forever Valentine.
With each new round of attempts, I held onto my unwavering belief that this was the round - every time. I'd make small adjustments, and sometimes, the doctors would tweak my medications, leaving me with a sense of optimism and hope that this attempt would be it.
After the third round, the real challenge began. At the time, I couldn't see how the meds were affecting me, but they were gradually taking their toll. And round after round, I felt more defeated.
I found myself drowning in exhaustion, feeling an ever-present sadness, and losing the ability to find joy in my daily life. It was as if a thick fog had settled over my mind, making everything an uphill battle. I couldn't recognize myself. It was hard to separate myself from the meds, or even to recognize that this is the meds, not who I have become.
2- A Moment of Realization
Each time I got my period or a negative pregnancy test brought sadness and a yearning to share these moments with a partner who wasn't there.
But even in the face of disappointment, I held tight to my mantra, "My baby is coming in divine timing." It was a reminder that this will not happen in my time, but it will happen. It was a line I'd pen at the end of each journal entry as a constant reminder.
No matter how I was feeling - sad, disappointed, frustrated - I would tell myself, my baby is coming... My baby is coming in divine timing.
3- Moving to IVF
From the start, my doctor's plan was clear: six medicated IUI attempts and then move to IVF. I held onto the images of a pregnant me and a baby in my arms in my mind's eye. I had already been through two rounds of IVF stimulations through my egg-freezing process, so I thought I was prepared for what was to come.
4- Facing Unexplained Infertility
When my period arrived at the end of the sixth round, I didn't cry, nor did I feel sadness.
I took a deep breath and said, "It's IVF time." I spoke to the doctor that day and asked her if I was experiencing infertility after 2 unsuccessful attempts of egg freezing and 6 failed IUIs. She said yes, you're experiencing unexplained infertility.
She said all your numbers look good, but it could be the egg quality, implantation, or sperm.
We just don't know. And that hit me. I never thought I would decide to become pregnant on my own (which was a challenging decision in itself), only to find out I was experiencing infertility. I felt defeated, but
I knew that staying in that headspace wouldn't help me conceive. Through journaling, self-coaching, and meditation, I prepared myself mentally and emotionally for what I believed would be my first and final IVF round.
5- The Emotional Rollercoaster of IVF
Going through another round of injections wasn't as difficult because I knew what to expect from the egg-freezing experience. This round of IVF was the longest stims duration I had to experience.
I injected myself 51 times in this round alone. Yet the most challenging part was waiting for each round of results. Waiting for each result was like holding your breath and then exhaling when you got a positive result.
6- A Heartbreaking Result
Starting with:
how many follicles grew... Exhale...
How many eggs were retrieved ... Exhale...
How many were viable... Exhale...
How many were fertilized... Exhale...
How many grew into an embryo... Exhale...
And then how many embryos passed the Pre-implantation genetic screen test that can be transferred........NONE.
The Turning Point
This broke me. I felt shattered by the results. I thought this was it. I cried like I had never cried before. If there was any semblance that I had any control over the outcome of this process, that was now gone. Because in my mind, I did everything I possibly could, and it didn't matter. And now it was back to the drawing board for another round of IVF.
Breakthrough and Heartbreak
Regardless of how hard it was to receive that result, I felt deep inside that my body could still do this. I could see myself pregnant when I would go within myself.
And I was determined to keep going until the doctors said I couldn't, and then I would find another doctor who said they could. I was ready to go round after round.
Surrendering to the Process
The next round of IVF brought a shift in perspective. No longer did I believe I could control the outcome through my actions. I was finally ready to surrender to the process, deciding to go with the flow. I gave up the need for control and chose acceptance over expectation.
This change in mindset had a profound impact on the entire process. I experienced less stress and was less affected by the side effects of the drugs.
A Birthday Surprise
The results of the PGS test arrived on my birthday - one embryo failed, one displayed mosaic characteristics, and one stood out as an excellent-grade embryo that passed.
I was standing outside where my new home would be, and I said to myself with tears. This is it, that is my baby! Now, I have a beautiful, healthy daughter, the light of my life.
To Sum Up
My journey of trying to conceive with unexplained infertility is a personal story of hope, resilience, and unwavering determination.
Your path will be unique to you, but I hope my story resonates with the unwavering faith that the dream of motherhood prevails even in the face of adversity.
-Reema
Have more questions, or need a sounding board through this stage of the process, find out more about my coaching service here
If you want to learn more about my journey of becoming a Choice Mom, I invite you to check out my ebook, where I share my personal experiences and provide the self-inquiry questions and resources to help you on your choice mom journey.
But, if you're ready to explore whether coaching is right for you, book a consult today. Together, we can navigate this process and ensure you have the guidance and support you need to make confident choices. Because no woman needs to go through this process alone.
