Selecting a sperm donor (4 Types): why i didn't choose anonymous
When it came to the crucial decision of how to choose a sperm donor, I found myself facing what felt like the second biggest choice of my life (after deciding to become a single mother by choice). All I knew at the time was to go online and search for sperm banks in Canada to find a possible donor. I had no idea what sperm banks were out there. I had no idea what to expect when it came to picking a donor.
I didn’t know the range of donor options sperm banks offer ( Directed Donors, Anonymous Donors, Open Donors, Open ID Donors). In this article, I'll explain my journey and why I didn’t choose an Anonymous Donor.
4 Types of Sperm Donors to Select From
Before getting into my journey, I thought I would share the different types of sperm donors to select from:
Type 1: Known Donors (aka Directed Donors):
Known donors are individuals with whom you are not sexually intimate. They willingly provide their sperm, which is placed in a 6-month quarantine before use. Examples include friends or non-related family members who choose to donate. It is essential to seek legal counsel before embarking on such donations or treatments.
Type 2: Anonymous Donors:
Anonymous donors agree to sperm donation for assisted reproduction but do not consent to release their identity information to potential offspring. The possibility of future identity disclosure remains uncertain.
Type 3: Open Donors:
Open donors commit to at least one form of communication with offspring once they reach the age of 18.
Type 4: Open ID (aka ID Disclosure) Donors:
ID Disclosure donors permit the sperm bank to release their identifying information to offspring when they turn 18.
This information may include the donor's full name, donation location, last known address, or email.
My Personal Journey:
Initially, I contemplated asking men in my life to be my donors. I even got the courage to ask one, but they kindly declined, expressing concerns about having a child out there without being a part of their everyday lives.
I also discovered that, in Canada, using a known donor's sperm involves freezing and a 6-month waiting period before insemination.
Moreover, I wasn't comfortable with the idea of a known donor desiring involvement in my child's life. And I wasn’t ready to deal with the legalities of it all.
Preference for Anonymity
Initially, I preferred the concept of using an anonymous donor. I wanted to avoid potential complications or intrusions into my child's life, and I desired to start the process as soon as possible.
Contemplating Future Needs
I also thought, why would my child need to connect with their biological father? They have me. I soon recognized that this decision wasn't just about me but my child's future.
Advice and Decision-Making
I got advice from others, and my fertility counselor, and they all stressed that the choice between an open donor and an anonymous donor is a deeply personal one. There's no one-size-fits-all answer.
Many people I spoke to leaned towards an open donor, but I had reservations.
Fear and Reflection
What if my child wanted to contact their donor at 18? What if they were disappointed in my choice? What if the donor didn't meet their expectations?
I reflected on these questions, and I realized it was fear keeping me from choosing an open donor and decided that this decision should be up to my child.
I realized it was fear keeping me from choosing an open donor
Final Decision: Choosing an Open ID Donor
In the end, I selected an Open ID donor. I realized that if I were in their shoes, I would want the freedom to know or meet my donor. It's a choice I wouldn't want someone else to make for me.
For the first 18 years, I would be the sole known parent, and after that, if my child wished to seek out their biological father, they would always know that their mom raised them.
I knew it was the right choice because I felt lighter and at ease once I made it.
Conclusion: Your Journey, Your Choice
Choosing the right sperm donor is a very personal decision, and it's important to choose the option that aligns with your values and what you believe is best for your child.
I made my choice because I wanted to respect my child's autonomy and provide them with the opportunity to know their biological father when the time was right. Ultimately, the choice is yours, so go with your gut!
- Reema
As you embark on this journey, I invite you to explore the depth of support I offer through my Choice Mom coaching services. With my extensive coaching experience and firsthand understanding of the challenges you're facing, I'm here to guide you every step of the way.
Whether you're seeking clarity in your decision-making process, need guidance in navigating the complexities of becoming a single mother by choice, or simply wish to feel empowered and supported, I offer personalized coaching to meet your needs.
Ready to take the next step? Book a free 30min consultation to discuss if coaching is right for you.
Let's explore how we can work together to ensure your path to single motherhood is filled with confidence, clarity, and unwavering support. You can also connect with me on Instagram to learn more about my journey, coaching insights, and valuable resources.
