Overcoming the fear of being a single mom by choice
Are you considering the path of single motherhood, but fear is holding you back? You want to be a mom, but you’re scared for so many reasons. You're not alone.
Today, I want to unpack those fears together and navigate them so you can step into this journey with confidence and strength. On my journey to making my decision as well as some of my clients shared their thoughts:
I'm scared that I can't do it all on my own.
I'm scared if I can financially provide for my child.
I'm scared of the impact of not having a father in my child's life.
I'm scared that I don't have enough support to start this journey.
How will I manage when they are sick and I am too?
Will my community accept me & my decision of becoming a single mother by choice?
What do I tell people at work?
And let's not forget the concern about basic tasks, like how to get groceries with a newborn or taking a shower.
These are just some of the questions, and they are real, and they need answers. Some of these questions may seem simple, but they're really not.
It's okay to be scared, but you want to be careful that you are not letting your fears keep you paralyzed from moving forward. Don’t let time slip by and your biological clock tick away. So often I hear, "I thought about becoming a single mother by choice, but I was too scared to do anything about it." Or I hear, "You’re so brave to make this choice, I wish I could do it."
Let's begin by unpacking these fears and figuring out how we face them or go beyond them through this exercise. So grab a pen and your journal.
Let's start by looking at these fears one by one. Write them all down. Don't hold back.
Next to each fear ask yourself:
Are your fears based on facts or assumptions? Take a closer look at each fear and examine its root cause. By challenging your assumptions, you can gain clarity and confidence in your decision.
Then ask yourself: What is really behind the fear you have? Where does it come from? What happened in your past that is impacting you now?
Who could support you if you needed help? Start to think about how you could overcome some of these fears.
This is where coaching steps in. To have someone to talk through each and every one of these points. To have a sounding board and thinking partner. Not someone to tell you what to do, but someone who has been on the journey and can understand these fears can understand these questions.
Let's address some common fears:
Fear of Doing It Alone
Feeling overwhelmed by the idea of handling everything solo? Remember, many single mothers successfully navigate parenthood independently. Whose support can you seek- friends, family, and community resources?
Financial Worries
Financial concerns are valid, but they can be managed with careful planning and budgeting. Start by creating a budget for you and your child, include your fertility treatment, setting up the baby's room, daily expenses like diapers, childcare support, clothes, and items for the baby. Consider if you need a bigger home or a car? Explore resources for single parents, are there any government assistance programs and financial planning services? Do you need more time before you feel more financially secure? Take the time to see what’s what before making this decision.
Impact on Your Child
Concerned about the absence of a father figure? Remember, children thrive in loving and supportive environments, regardless of family structure. Who can you surround your child with who are positive male role models?
Lack of Support
Feeling isolated in your decision? What support groups, mom groups, online communities can you reach out to who understand your journey? What kind of childcare support can you hire? If you don’t have family around, are there any friends and neighbors who can support you if you’re in a bind? You're not alone, and there are people who want to help you succeed and support your dreams of becoming a mom.
Here’s the thing, we are always scared of the unknown, and with a child in the picture, there are just so many unknowns. It's completely natural to have concerns about taking on the role of a single mother.
Take the time to go through the exercise above. Write out your fears and answer the questions. Find your sounding board, and talk it through with a friend or a family member.
You are not alone in this journey. I'm here for you. We can face the fears together and unlock your strength within. It's totally normal to feel a mix of excitement and fear when considering the path of becoming a single mom by choice. You've got this!
-Reema
Have more questions, or need a sounding board through this stage of the process, find out more about my coaching service here
If you want to learn more about my journey of becoming a Choice Mom, I invite you to check out my ebook, where I share my personal experiences and provide the self-inquiry questions and resources to help you on your choice mom journey.
But, if you're ready to explore whether coaching is right for you, book a consult today. Together, we can navigate this process and ensure you have the guidance and support you need to make confident choices. Because no woman needs to go through this process alone.
