Ticking biological Clock: my regret for not acting sooner
As I approached my mid-thirties, I could no longer ignore the constant reminder that my biological clock is ticking. I found myself standing at a crossroads, single and facing the reality that time was slipping away.
If I wanted to become a mother, I would need to find a partner, get to know them for some time, get engaged, and then start trying. It was a race against time, and the stakes were high.
As I turned 35, I couldn't help but shed tears on my birthday, wondering what there was to celebrate. I was another year older, yet no closer to my dream of becoming a mother.
The pressure became all consuming, and I couldn't help but compare myself to friends with their partners and children, questioning when it would be my turn.
I'd see cute babies on the street and find tears welling up in my eyes, fearful that I might never have a child of my own.
I came to realize that my greatest fear in life was not becoming a mother.
The thought of living a life without a child felt like an incomplete existence. I felt like I was brought to this world to be a mom and I had such a strong calling for it.
Choosing Motherhood Over Partnership
I came to terms with the idea that it was more important for me to have a child than a partner. My life needed to have a greater purpose, extending beyond just me.
Women’s fertility statistics are a hard pill to swallow. As we have come to learn, fertility begins to decline in the early 30s, and this decline accelerates after the age of 35.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the chances of getting pregnant without clinical intervention (e.g., IVF) per cycle, based on age:
Average 30-year-old: 20% chance of conceiving (1 in 5 chance)
Average 40-year-old: Less than 5% chance of conceiving (1 in 20 chance)
The pressure of the ticking biological clock and the fear of not becoming a mother were profound, driving me to take action.
It was only when I took the step to assess my fertility and freeze my eggs that I felt a glimmer of control over my life.
Struggling with Questions
Yet, during this process, I found myself struggling with difficult questions:
How did I end up here?
What was wrong with me that I couldn't find a partner?
What if I can’t find a partner even after freezing my eggs?
My fertility assessment unveiled a surprise I hadn't anticipated. My AMH levels were lower than the mean for my age.
After 2 failed attempts at freezing my eggs, I grasped the gravity of the situation—the clock was ticking, and there wasn't much time left.
This outcome took me completely by surprise, and I was devastated. I regret not freezing my eggs earlier because now the dream of finding a partner and having a child together is fading.
During this challenging period, fate introduced me to my first single mother by choice. Her story inspired me, and I reached out to understand how she came to her decision.
Finding Inspiration
Speaking to her and how she had chosen the path of single motherhood by choice was invaluable. It alleviated the stress and unknowns.
Engaging in heartfelt conversations with her, as well as seeking guidance from fertility counselors and doctors, provided me with the support and clarity I so desperately needed.
Message of Hope
If you find yourself familiar with the weight of the ticking biological clock, understand that you are not alone. I deeply understand the weight you are feeling, and it can be all-consuming.
Regrets and Advice
I regret not taking action sooner - in terms of getting my fertility assessment earlier and freezing my eggs sooner. Seek support, whether from fertility counselors, single mothers by choice coaches, or other single mothers by choice.
Empowerment and Possibilities
Explore the options available to you, and always remember that you possess the strength to shape your destiny, just as I did.
You need to know that if motherhood is a dream you hold close to your heart, there are options even if time is running out.
Conclusion
I hope that sharing my story serves as a message of hope for those who find themselves on a similar path.
-Reema
Have more questions, or need a sounding board through this stage of the process, find out more about my coaching service here
If you want to learn more about my journey of becoming a Choice Mom, I invite you to check out my ebook, where I share my personal experiences and provide the self-inquiry questions and resources to help you on your choice mom journey.
But, if you're ready to explore whether coaching is right for you, book a consult today. Together, we can navigate this process and ensure you have the guidance and support you need to make confident choices. Because no woman needs to go through this process alone.
