single motherhood unveiled: 6 lessons learned by a single mom by Choice in the first half-year
People often ask me how it’s been going, expecting tales of exhaustion and overwhelm. While it’s definitely not without its challenges, I've also learned valuable lessons during the first six months of raising my daughter. In this article I wanted to take a moment and share some of my insights with you:
1. Support is everything.
In the initial six weeks, my daughter and I lived with my mom. Thankfully, I had a relatively smooth recovery from childbirth, partly because I chose not to take an epidural. I only took a pain reliever for two days after giving birth, and I felt surprisingly "normal." Yes, I was lucky. Having my mom's support during this crucial period was invaluable. The first week with a newborn is a blur, and having someone to prepare meals, help soothe the baby, or validate my feelings made a world of difference. As I transitioned back to work, her support allowed me to attend client meetings and jump on calls, helping me balance motherhood and my career.
Now, I understand that not everyone has family nearby, and that's okay. You might have supportive neighbors, friends, or coworkers who can lend a hand with meals or provide that much-needed emotional support. In my case, I also had the incredible help of my amazing Doula for postpartum support. And I can’t forget the lactation consultant who worked wonders in helping with feeding. So, whether it's family, friends, or professionals, there's a support network out there for you. Because no woman needs to go through this process alone
2. Trust in your mommy instincts
There will be a lot of well-intentioned people who will offer unsolicited advice, but remember that you know your baby best. Every child is unique, and what works for one might not cut it for yours. I established a schedule for my daughter in week two, despite family members saying it was too strict. But sticking to recommended wake windows, sleep, and feeding schedules prevented her from becoming overtired and irritable. Trust your instincts and do what works for you and your baby.
3. Prepared to be tired
Yes, there are sleepless nights with feedings. That’s every mother’s experience. But as a single mother, I wasn’t aware that the real exhaustion comes from being a solo decision-maker. From managing the baby's needs to handling work and life responsibilities, there's no partner to share the mental load with. In a given day there is a lot to keep track of and as her naps reduced and she switched to solids, that's when I started to feel more tired. It's like having a hundred tabs open in my brain, and I often forget to close them due to "mom brain." I have found that lists and calendar reminders have become my best friends to help keep track of everything.
4. Mom guilt is real
Being the sole provider and caregiver can be tough, especially when I have to prioritize work over spending time with my daughter. There are moments when she cries or reaches out for me, and I have to leave for work, which is heart-wrenching. I often feel guilty when my mom takes her to the park or circle time while I work. I worry I won’t get this time back and if I am making the most of my time with her. To combat this guilt, I make sure to engage in one fun activity with my daughter each day and prioritize being present when I'm with her. I always wake her and put her to sleep. That's a must. I don’t want to miss out on the moments, and so far I haven’t. But mom guilt is real, so I keep telling myself, the work I am doing is all for her.
5. Self-Care Is Key
I’ll be honest, I don’t have time for this, but I try to prioritize a few key things to support my well-being. Sleep is a priority because it helps me function better as a parent and excel at work. Morning meditation sets a calm tone for the day, while short bursts of 10-minute HIIT exercises and outdoor walks with my daughter keep my body active and give me an energy boost. Regular massages help release tension, a common result of carrying, lifting bubs, and breastfeeding. Staying hydrated also plays a crucial role in maintaining my physical and mental health, though I haven’t been doing so well with that lately.
6. Working and Maintaining your Milk Supply is Challenging
One of the hardest aspects of the first six months has been maintaining my milk supply while working. Balancing client meetings and pumping sessions has required creative scheduling. Sure, formula was an option to reduce stress, but I'm determined to make it to that one-year mark. The journey has been tough but worth it to support and bond with my girl.
The first six months of single motherhood have been a whirlwind of emotions, challenges, and growth. While the path is unique and demanding, it's also incredibly rewarding. I've learned that support, self-care, and trusting my instincts are essential keys to navigating this incredible journey as a single mom by choice. And despite the inevitable hurdles, the joy of watching my daughter grow and thrive makes it all worthwhile.
- Reema
Have more questions, or need a sounding board through the process, find out more about my coaching service here.
If you want to learn more about my journey of becoming a Choice Mom, I invite you to check out my ebook, where I share my personal experiences and provide the self-inquiry questions and resources to help you on your choice mom journey.
But, if you're ready to explore whether coaching is right for you, book a consult today. Together, we can navigate this process and ensure you have the guidance and support you need to make confident choices. Because no woman needs to go through this process alone.
